One Year On

3rd February 2019

One year.

One year since I slid in to an unknown future.
My coach calls “DOWN!” And I text book slide down in to third base.
Only that decision would cost me my career, my livelihood, my sports life, my entire being.
That one decision would cost me my nursing, my rewarding work life, my clients.
That one decision would own my life.

One year since I’ve battled a nightmare.
A year since I would fear the worst.
A year since I’ve been a victim to the worst enemy known to mankind.
A year since my sports dreams were crushed.
A year since I knew my goals couldn’t possibly be achieved anymore.

I can’t play B4.
I can’t advance to B2.
I can’t be A Grade.
My soul has been crushed.
All for the love of softball.
All for the sake of being safe.
But I wasn’t safe at all.
At least, I was in softball.
I won the game.
But the game cost me my life.

But I won’t let it win.
I can’t let it win.
My life depends on it.

See I’ve been a creature of habit my whole life.
My whole life I’ve been surrounded by sports and athletics and active lives.
To be shoved to the ground and told “you can’t” anymore just isn’t acceptable.

I will walk.
I will run.
I will play.
I will conquer.

I will do these feats, no matter what it takes.
I will beat this disease. Even if it kills me. I will win.
I will show this demon what it deserves.
And that is to show this disease that it serves no purpose in my life.
No purpose whatsoever. I deserve to run again. I deserve to be safe.
I deserve to be the winning run; Like I should have been.
I deserve to give back to the community.
I deserve a pain free life. I deserve happiness.

CRPS does not own me!!!

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